state of mind or rather just me now

Couple of last days have been emotionally fragile personally. I am developing a numbness and suffering from something which i find difficult to put in words, might be the lack of love and inspiration, might be shocked and disillusioned , might be something which i just can feel and can not put aptly in words.

They say, if it happened it must have been for good, but what about the vice versa. Life is somewhat derailed, objectives somewhat nonaligned, thoughts wandering out of control, emotions going stray and hell lot of things, which i never experienced or never wanted to, are now haunting me . I am thinking : Are all my problems mere perception or they are real.

I have at present no unduly demand of friends and family. They have given me enough freedom as it would for the sage. I am caught in the whirl wind of personal attachments and a dream of growth. There is a mad man inside me with a strong wish to succeed and to sacrifice everything in this attempt. Alas, wishes require determination and hard work missing in this case.

I am mentally exhausted, frustrated and on the verge of depression. When you are uncertain about the future, any work can yield satisfaction. I have decided my future career goals, now failure and delay is blowing my mind. Neither can I relax, nor enjoy.

I am still sane enough to denounce a time tested Indian psychotherapy of every mental hurricane : An arranged marriage. And whenever I speak up, only harsh statements are coming out and turning unpopular. The addiction of Facebook and choking of release of emotions is destroying self belief.

significance of wasted time :)

Carefree and frivolous days, i guess are the most productive days of our life(at least they have been for me). They may not seem apparent at first view but the reflection on your life tends to prove it. Traveling down the memory lane, one gets a vivid glimpse of the time enjoyed is not time wasted overall. Old ways die hard and even now in the fast-changing corporate words, some old ways die harder than others. Killing time is one of them.

It was not a time to be killed but intentionally I annihilated it. To rephrase the undertone its the look on "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love doing nothing in HBTI-kanpur". And any resemblance to real events, to persons living or dead, is not accidental. It is intentional :)

Essence Of wisdom at Ramu da ki dukan: outside the main gate of the hostel was the favorite pastime in the evening. Bun-butter, bhujiya will be taken as starters and then enjoying the bournvita milk

(everytime cursing the pocket money, which allowed a little less than i wanted to have).

there would start the endless discussion ranging from girls, affairs, studies(in which anurag and pankaj seemed to be more intersted than i and abhishek were). Though at that time it seemed futile but that time is what i miss most.

BC (Baat Cheet or Bakchodi) : We all debate with certain immaturity but with certain passion. Our Bakchodi starts through lengthy discussions on BKT and the teachers of his cadre. Add to that the amazing series of sessions, we went through about maals(girls), Cinema and Cricket with ripping apart both fiction and non fiction literature. I was growing in the mind and soul while speculating the future.

road less traveled

Life gives opportunities to everybody to take his own course, to live his life on his own conditions, fate is nothing, only thing matters is your attitude...REALLY ???

What I learned in this journey called life has brought enormous changes inside me. Unlearning of false traditions has taken lot of time and efforts but it was a worth living experience, though still i am in the process.The idea of personal solidarity and the idea of societal cooperation are two conflicting concepts that has tormented me as an individual. It is like dilemma of looking for the independence without becoming alien to one's surroundings.

Education (though i have not been very good in it ), is meant to broaden your horizon but self learning also makes you more open minded, tests your ability to take your own stands and remain firm on those when the time demands.

I have tried observing the past from a deterministic point of view, where causes lead to effects. While world is more probabilistic in nature because here outcomes are driven by invisible or chance events.

To discredit uncertainty in a documenting rules of the process with the acquired knowledge is to deny the element of chaos and chance in planning for future. Predictions can be falsified and uncertainty has an empirical significance. Trial and error is only way to the growth in the world of experience and learning. That I learned on how to see the future.

We tend to fit our perceptions of the world into the model we have constructed in our minds about how the world works. It is easier to accept as valid evidence that fits our model than it is evidence that doesn’t. Some of this filtering is at an unconscious level – our minds are constantly trying to make valid perceptions out of the evidence of the senses.

I am just quoting words on wisdom of life by Rational Fool :

Regimes come and go. So do gods, messiahs, and religions. What endure are ideas, ideas tested by reason and evidence. The ideas of liberty and equality - that all people are free and equal, and no individual or collective may be granted exclusive privileges and immunities in law - these are enduring ideals that have guided humanity along the path of civilization. The rest, however passionately embraced by the populace at a moment in history, are destined to perish in the Darwinian struggle for survival.