state of mind or rather just me now

Couple of last days have been emotionally fragile personally. I am developing a numbness and suffering from something which i find difficult to put in words, might be the lack of love and inspiration, might be shocked and disillusioned , might be something which i just can feel and can not put aptly in words.

They say, if it happened it must have been for good, but what about the vice versa. Life is somewhat derailed, objectives somewhat nonaligned, thoughts wandering out of control, emotions going stray and hell lot of things, which i never experienced or never wanted to, are now haunting me . I am thinking : Are all my problems mere perception or they are real.

I have at present no unduly demand of friends and family. They have given me enough freedom as it would for the sage. I am caught in the whirl wind of personal attachments and a dream of growth. There is a mad man inside me with a strong wish to succeed and to sacrifice everything in this attempt. Alas, wishes require determination and hard work missing in this case.

I am mentally exhausted, frustrated and on the verge of depression. When you are uncertain about the future, any work can yield satisfaction. I have decided my future career goals, now failure and delay is blowing my mind. Neither can I relax, nor enjoy.

I am still sane enough to denounce a time tested Indian psychotherapy of every mental hurricane : An arranged marriage. And whenever I speak up, only harsh statements are coming out and turning unpopular. The addiction of Facebook and choking of release of emotions is destroying self belief.

significance of wasted time :)

Carefree and frivolous days, i guess are the most productive days of our life(at least they have been for me). They may not seem apparent at first view but the reflection on your life tends to prove it. Traveling down the memory lane, one gets a vivid glimpse of the time enjoyed is not time wasted overall. Old ways die hard and even now in the fast-changing corporate words, some old ways die harder than others. Killing time is one of them.

It was not a time to be killed but intentionally I annihilated it. To rephrase the undertone its the look on "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love doing nothing in HBTI-kanpur". And any resemblance to real events, to persons living or dead, is not accidental. It is intentional :)

Essence Of wisdom at Ramu da ki dukan: outside the main gate of the hostel was the favorite pastime in the evening. Bun-butter, bhujiya will be taken as starters and then enjoying the bournvita milk

(everytime cursing the pocket money, which allowed a little less than i wanted to have).

there would start the endless discussion ranging from girls, affairs, studies(in which anurag and pankaj seemed to be more intersted than i and abhishek were). Though at that time it seemed futile but that time is what i miss most.

BC (Baat Cheet or Bakchodi) : We all debate with certain immaturity but with certain passion. Our Bakchodi starts through lengthy discussions on BKT and the teachers of his cadre. Add to that the amazing series of sessions, we went through about maals(girls), Cinema and Cricket with ripping apart both fiction and non fiction literature. I was growing in the mind and soul while speculating the future.

road less traveled

Life gives opportunities to everybody to take his own course, to live his life on his own conditions, fate is nothing, only thing matters is your attitude...REALLY ???

What I learned in this journey called life has brought enormous changes inside me. Unlearning of false traditions has taken lot of time and efforts but it was a worth living experience, though still i am in the process.The idea of personal solidarity and the idea of societal cooperation are two conflicting concepts that has tormented me as an individual. It is like dilemma of looking for the independence without becoming alien to one's surroundings.

Education (though i have not been very good in it ), is meant to broaden your horizon but self learning also makes you more open minded, tests your ability to take your own stands and remain firm on those when the time demands.

I have tried observing the past from a deterministic point of view, where causes lead to effects. While world is more probabilistic in nature because here outcomes are driven by invisible or chance events.

To discredit uncertainty in a documenting rules of the process with the acquired knowledge is to deny the element of chaos and chance in planning for future. Predictions can be falsified and uncertainty has an empirical significance. Trial and error is only way to the growth in the world of experience and learning. That I learned on how to see the future.

We tend to fit our perceptions of the world into the model we have constructed in our minds about how the world works. It is easier to accept as valid evidence that fits our model than it is evidence that doesn’t. Some of this filtering is at an unconscious level – our minds are constantly trying to make valid perceptions out of the evidence of the senses.

I am just quoting words on wisdom of life by Rational Fool :

Regimes come and go. So do gods, messiahs, and religions. What endure are ideas, ideas tested by reason and evidence. The ideas of liberty and equality - that all people are free and equal, and no individual or collective may be granted exclusive privileges and immunities in law - these are enduring ideals that have guided humanity along the path of civilization. The rest, however passionately embraced by the populace at a moment in history, are destined to perish in the Darwinian struggle for survival.

Attitude Matters

Knowledge is indeed powerful and Intelligence rules the world of knowledge. Both of them are out of one's experience & efforts, being put across in life. But, Change is something which is bound to happen in any field & part of life or situations.

There, in such situations, Attitude is something that is going to make a big difference among the crowd of intellectuals.

Most of us are concerned about what we are today. Some may be in emotional situations, due to failure in career or life. Some may be in jubilant mood because of success & knowledge at present. But, all that matters in the long run is nothing rather than the word "ATTITUDE".

The Knowledge we are talking about here is about the one which has a value in the market where, one can get the fruit out of it. An individual may possess a lot of knowledge - may be having a good academic record, may know many difficult subjects or topics of career or life.

But, everything is not valuable. Only a few out of them is what make the individual recognised & understood by the people. The rest of knowledge is indeed great but has no value. But, it is feasible to utilise the fruit of those via references to them at times & creating a solid mental & physical background to trigger one's passion.

So, the credit lies on the ability of any individual to find out what is the good strength on self that others don't have; i.e. the field of life or career or job or idea where one can be a pioneer or a admirer of all, instead of putting effort & pressure on self to excel on something where one lacks in knowledge & quality.

There are two things about the knowledge - one "the knowledge on which an individual is working on for living & self image", the other "the knowledge on which an individual banks on to trigger one's passion & motivation".

It is really not an easy task to find out what is best suited for an individual to carry forward as a career in life. But, it is all about trying things newly with innovation & passion, till one is sure about the satisfaction where one has to be in life about the choice of career.

Our current knowledge is also time-bound. It may get outdated sometime or latter. So, the will to learn, the eagerness to know, the adventurous feeling to explore new things, all such Attitudes are the key to Success & Stability in one's career and life. Nothing remains the same.

There have been many great people in various fields of life & career. But, all has to go someday. One has both Ups & Downs. So, the point is striking the right target at the right time and thus gaining success for those periods where one can sustain still via new innovations & positive attitudes.

This means that it is a part of one's life to have both the prime time & worse time. But, whatever the situation is, one who has the right & positive attitude always satisfies self & also gains respect of others.

Living, studying, working & so on…just for the sake of doing so, isn't worth at all. It will be wonderful if one is able to put colours & passions at times. Success is not just about getting the medal; it is also about the personal satisfaction & the ability to express one's innovation which is well appreciated by others.

In today's world of steep competition in any way of life & career, it is the best to find the strength where one has strong hold and capitalise the knowledge on those areas to gain the fruit of hard-work.

It is said right - "Where there is a will, there is a way". Education via schools, colleges, universities are all about gathering knowledge to make an individual know self so as to plan according what one has to do in life.

Studying for the sake of studying and becoming unemployed latter is not a good option. We do know what we are studying and hence, the onus lies on the individual to think what one has to do beforehand. A society comprises of many facets of characters - Doctors, Engineers, Lawyers, Businessmen, workers, peasants, and many more.

None is superior to the other in reality. Everyone contributes and thus we all are able to live together with peace & prosperity. It is about understanding the "Dignity of Labour". So, here comes the word "ATTITUDE".

A Good & Positive Attitude changes one's past and sets the future for success & satisfaction. A little knowledge is Dangerous; but, rather "Too much knowledge is also Disastrous".

There is always a limit in knowing & learning things. Curiosity & creativity are indeed the stepping stones for innovation & success in life. But, one has to be sure what is what & where it is leading to. We have God's most precious gift "our Mind". Everything is possible if not this way, but some other way, if not this time, but next time.

So, what matters more in life is ATTITUDE… rather than Skill & Intelligence.